The Cheerleader Outfit

Dear Charlotte,

There’s being the only black girl in your class and there’s being the only black girl in your grade, your school or your neighbourhood but I was the only black girl in our whole town.  

My parents came to Canada to get away from prejudice. I am really glad they did. But prejudice didn’t really disappear; as odd as it sounds, the place I experienced it most was at home.

Every time I didn’t do “good enough” — either to my satisfaction or that of my parents or teachers — my parents would blame it on prejudice against me. Whenever my marks were bad or I didn’t get accepted in something or get a scholarship or anything like that, my parents would always blame prejudice and they’d push me to speak up.

But how could I? How could I know if they were prejudiced or I’ just done poorly? So I never ever complained about anything — except was one time.

When I went into grade twelve I’d become really good at sports and so my best friend, Patsy, suggested I try out for cheerleaders. Some cheerleader routines had really challenging athletic lifts and jumps that Sally knew I could ace, so I signed up to audition.

I totally aced the audition. I loved it. It’s like sports and dance combined. I could do the jumps better than any of the other girls trying out. I knew it. Sally knew it. Everybody knew it. But I didn’t make the squad.

I took Patsy home with me that day to tell them. I warned her that my Dad was going to freak out and blame it on prejudice and he did. He started getting all fired up about protesting to the school board.

Sometimes tears, even though you hate crying, are really, really effective. It made Dad stop being mad and instead, he comforted me. He said he’d get me into the squad but I told him I didn’t want to be anywhere I wasn’t wanted and not to bother.

The next day Patsy had a better plan. We used her uniform as a model to make an identical one my size, and she taught me all the routines I’d need to know so that at the final football game of the season when the squad went out on the field, I ran out on the field with them — but I changed our logo FSS to FU. The best outcome of the whole experience is the friendship that I have to this day with Patsy.

After that, I never thought of myself as the only black girl in any group. The opinions of others no longer mattered. After that, all that ever mattered was the friends I had.

Maxine.